activate me

i’ve lived long enough that i am seeing cycles a couple generations before me, and now, a couple after me. i’ve experienced the pandemics hiv and covid. south africa’s violent apartheid, isreal and their genocide against palestine. i don’t even know how many genocides there have been since they said “never again”. i feel like i’ve been protesting wars and violence my whole dang life. also, the homeless crisis has only gotten deeper. you’d think that capitalism depends on this caste to raise the upper caste even higher. women’s reproductive freedom. people to safely love whom they love, and then there is the climate…

last night i went and saw the film aristotle and dante discover the secretes of the universe, based on the book by benjamin alire sáenz, who talked before the showing of the film. (he grew up here and the story is set in el paso…so you know…local connections) it was a delightfully emotional evening.

the film opens with a dedication to all who had to learn to live by different rules.

and with those simple words, my stomach clenched, and with a smile, the tears began.

feels like my life has been made of trying to figure out my rules to live by and those to break.

i’m learning that my queer vegan adventures project has been my way of sorting myself out and finding those corners of hidden places that i have been trying to keep from surfacing that keep me from looking past the superficial anger, rage, frustration, fears, judgments… my rules of engagement that i let keep me from me and how i relate to community. and now i am learning to be able to witness these external cycles with a different internal lens. one of the questions that has come up this month is why am i an activist and why do i try to surround my self with people who live intentionally to not feed these violent cycles?

i mean, if you look at the footage of these actions, we look really mad and we are yelling and signing, shouting and laughing, wearing masks in case of tear gas, we have street medics to assist people when the violence erupts from the other side of the line…why? so why do we keep showing up year after year generation after generation?

somehow we want to get people to turn and look and care just enough to listen to what we are trying to say.

the answer i found, much to the surprise of my mind, is love. not the unicorn farting rainbows and glitter love, but love filled with empathy and compassion for people, the planet, all the creatures we share this gift of a planet with, land, the waters, the freaking cosmos…all of it is love. pure and simple.

the vision i created when i learned about visionary fiction, a kind of fiction written by activists, people who envision a world where we can ALL bring our whole selves to…i mean that is pretty fucking beautiful and terrifying. people without labels, just names they like to be called by, getting to do the things that bring them joy, mostly i see people trying new activities and us all laughing at the failures until we find our own ways to do whatever it is we want to learn. i see everything reused and repurposed. a healthy well-fed community with clean air and water to grow and thrive in with big beautiful colorful gardens. no fancy technology or gadgets. just people enjoying life and relations. being creative as hell!

how do we get there?

if you could envision your community where you, could bring your whole self to…what does it look like? i’d like to know.

just a moment in time

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yemen

who would have thought it

i’ve been looking for who is doing what needs to be done in this moment

honestly

i’ve been deeply pissed off and i can’t say disappointed because none of it is surprising, but i just

it never cieses to amaze me how wacked the industrial world is

for 75 day…for 75 years, israel has been inflicting genocidal violence on the palestinian people. now bombing the shit out of gaza, with no concern even for their own people caught in the crossfire

on top of it cop28 was held in dubie… one of if not the most oil rich state in the world, with the most fossil fuel lobbyist ever in attendance for a global conference on the climate crisis? seriously?

then

then the person of the year is announced by time magazine, and it is taylor swift…again?

and the word of the year is rizz so i guess that does go together, but really?

the world is coming together in support of palestine in so many ways. taking to the streets. calling for global general strikes. mass demonstrations all over the world. major boycotts that are having major impacts.

and then there is yemen

yemen. an impoverished arab state with a humanitarian crisis of its own, and what do they do? they perhaps take the biggest stand/risk of any nation-state. they block all ships wanting to move supplies through the red sea, forcing them to reroute around the continent of africa! this has huge corporation like bp to stop shipping in the area. bp who has held huge fossil fuel contracts with israel (as does the eu, great britain, and the u.s.

if yemen can do this

if the journalists of palestine can risk their lives every moment of every day so we can be informed

if the palastinian artists can still find ways to sing and create moments of joy

if the sun still rises

and the seasons still turn

what can i do

what do i risk

what i want to say here is, there are so many things going on in the world right now and so many capitalist distractions to keep us from taking action but making sure we go holiday shopping. so many feelings that make me freeze in my steps to the point i feel like i just can’t move

and then

yemen

yemen found their point of power in the situation, the thing they could do.

i want to be like yemen

i don’t have much to offer, but i do have a vision

and in this vision i can see who i want to support and how i can do that isn’t always evident, but i am learning about where i want to put my money (not that i have much) how i want to get my food, what i want to read, listen to (silence, birds, rain), the pace i want to move my life…these things we each have when we strip away the distractions and reveal our own true and deep values not attached to should’s or suppose to’s, but to that inner knowing. i hope in these times, as in all times, you are finding that stillness in yourself that gives space to go out in the world and be your unique you.

p.s. my person of the year would be courtney dewalter, or sally mcrae, or maybe alok, or the whole crew of reservation dogs, or maybe it is all my good pals that inspire me to get up each day. but really, why do we want to put one person at the top of a list every fucking year? none of them got there on their own. it takes all of us so lets celebrate the coming light of a new season.

p.p.s. i also don’t know why we need a word of the year. go out there and use all of them. make some up. be your own dictionary

me and black friday

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“Anyway I don’t think we can rely on governments, regardless of who is in power, to do the work that only mass movements can do.”
― Angela Y. Davis, Freedom is a Constant Struggle

does anyone else find it odd that we kick off a massive buying season the day after “thanksgiving”? i know “black friday” sales start way before, and christmas decorations might as well not even come down anymore. or that the truce between hamas and israel is during the biggest buying frenzy of the year when corporations (and therefore politicians) need people in shops, not the streets?

this holiday season, i thought, was for bracing for the coming winter months of rest, going inward away from the cold, to embrace time with the people close to you, celebrating a good harvest, and put food away for a season of limited resources.

yet, somehow we have decided to go full force and buy all the things, spend all the money, buy all the affection, and get gobsmacked somewhere mid-january with credit card debt or inability to pay rent or keep the heat on in the depths of winter.

i can remember the first thanksgivings when suddenly some members of my family started spending part of the day, going through the newspaper for the best sales and making lists and creating some kind of strategy for the next day devoted to shopping. i was very confused. it used to be the day that me and my cousins went with grandma to get our own new ornament to put on our christmas trees. it was a nice outing. we’d come back and eat leftovers and watch some football or go out and play our own games or ride bikes, go find our friends, and enjoy a day.

it was about this time i stopped going “home” for this and subsequent holidays.

i’ve always struggled especially with thanksgiving. i once heard ben franklin proposed that this federal holiday be a fasting holiday. but i guess there is just no money to be made on a fasting holiday. this also makes us the only culture that does not have a fasting holiday.

i have had several nice 4th thursdays of november where groups of friends had pot lucks or we went camping, or just got away together to enjoy the rare mutual day off. and i want to have a time and a place to gather to celebrate a good harvest, a beautiful growing season, i time of reflection to make the moment when we should go inward, to repair, to rest, to plan, and prepare for the next growing time a deep celebration, but capitalism has other plans. and those plans have seeped deep into a colonized mindset and patterns of unhealthy behavior.

then i learned about buy nothing day!

what?!

a whole day where i don’t have to go out and buy anything. well, usually i end up buying coffee at the LOCAL coffee shop on my way to an animal rights rally (typically an anti-fur protest). i’ve participated in this event every year since i first learned about it, so probably about 25 years? usually, my purchases would only be coffee (as mentioned) and gas as i returned from my retreat from the insane world that was working in a produce department at a natural foods grocery store the wednesday before thanksgiving provides.

then i moved to new mexico where places are closed at some point during the week. some are closed on sunday. many are closed monday and/or tuesday. i’ve seen a few close on wednesday. and if you live in a ski town anywhere in this country, they will close or open late for a powder day! brilliant! it made me think of growing up in kansas with the blue laws where places had to be closed on sunday. sure it was for “christian” religious reasons. what i remember most was how quiet our little town was. i could ride my bike around with few cars to share the road with. there is a certain feeling that comes when we all have a day of rest at the same time. and there are many cultures and religions that have this weekly or specific times of the year, but not capitalist systems.

this summer i was talking to my buddy up in oregon whom i have participated in buy nothing day/animal rights protests. he had a brilliant idea to make buy nothing day a weekly or monthly gig instead of once a year.

yes! i am in!

and i am.

starting this monday, november 27th i will be celebrating buy nothing day every monday. the current global events have spurred me into this action. but what has really spurred me on to adopt this project is what is going on in the world from the wars to climate collapse and what they all have in common is capitalism. in the future i will break some of these down more, but the current issues that have come back up to the forefront of my consciousness is 2 things, the bdsm and war tax resistance.

i first learned about the boycott, divest, sanction movement (bdsm) years ago when i began to learn more about the palestinian liberation movement. with the escalated israeli genocidal occupation of palestine and gaza i’ve been reminded of this movement and the corporations to pay attention to have been updated (i have a link to this project below). the american and global corporations that support israel’s occupation and their attacks on the people of palestine need to be held accountable and this is one way to do it every day. it is how we can continue the work when we are not in the streets.

these war crimes are supported by these same people with names and addresses participating in other operations around the world, especially in the global south, and they have been for a very long time! but they can’t do it if they don’t have our money. and they get our money not just by us buying their crap, but also from the taxes we pay. these same taxes that could be paying for healthcare, education (college loan debts), investments in schools, teacher pay, social services, mental health care….instead of war, bailing out banks that have been stealing peoples’ money, industries that ran themselves into the ground because they pay executives ridiculous amounts of money…. so now people are getting interested in war tax resistance again.

we have more power than we think we do! women of color have been trying to remind us of that forever. audre lorde has some wonderful poems, speeches, and quotes on using our power to resist these systems that want to hold us down to keep us controlled and alexis pauline gumbs, phd has been reminding us of these amazing ancestors with her powerful and beautiful poems and words as well. many women, especially women of color and queer folks, once again, are leading the way.

and they lead the way, not only by their words, but their actions, their art, music, food, and but by how they live their lives. who they support, what and who they read HOW they read and think about the world around us all. and reminding us of the beauty that can come when we find our agency and our way to our good path one step at a time.

this is a long road. a work of many lifetimes. a dedication to a life that brings everyone along. that will look different than the american dream that we have been fed since we took our first breath in this world.

so i’d like to offer up to anyone who might be interested to pick a day each week or each month to buy nothing, not a thing (and i vow to not even go out for coffee or gas). it’ll take some planning and thinking to make sure you are prepared, but it’ll come along. see how you feel when you invite your pals over for a homecooked meal or a nice stroll around the neighborhood instead of going out for food or beers. it is strongly liberating to know that for today, i did not feed the wheel of capitalism. who knows maybe one day you’ll suddenly find yourself handing out free sandwiches to migrants who just crossed the border looking for a safer place for their families.

if you do choose to participate in a boycott, i do suggest an active boycott if you can. to let people know why you are not buying their stuff or services. and then also to those whom you do consciously choose to buy from. positive feedback goes a long way when one is setting course against a powerfully backed stream.

some links for the curious:

a litany for survival by audre lorde

boycott divestment sanctions movement

buy nothing day project

just staying alilve

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i can’t remember how young i was when i learned that the rda is bullshit. i think i was in middle or high school. i know i was starting to learn about nutrition while also just having ice cream and candy bars from the machines in the lunch cafeteria because it was cheap and easy and lunchtime was stressful as a queer kid in kansas.

it was probably a day when i grabbed the q-r volume of the encyclopedia botanica on my way to hide in my closet.

so when i learned that the recommended daily allowance set by the u.s. government was only the recommendation for the average human to stay alive. not thrive. not to be a healthy well functioning human, but to just stay alive…i kinda lost my shit.

reading a little further i learned the rda only came about in 1941, during world war 2 because they couldn’t find healthy enough people to fight in the war, so it became an issue of national defense…health and war. soooo what? we only care about the health of people when we need them to go off and kill and die? (deep thoughts hard feelings)

so with this in the back of my mind, i started digging into what a living wage means.

i have worked for a couple of places now that have bragged, lead with even, that they paid a living wage for the county they operate in. so after getting paid a “living wage” a couple times now, and still barely getting by, chalking it up to the ever increasing costs of housing, i decided to look up how m.i.t. calculates living wages. https://livingwage.mit.edu/ is where you can find yours.https://livingwage.mit.edu/counties/35055 is where you can find the one for where i currently live.

a few things i have found when i’ve looked at the ones for where i live (i use single no children) is the housing cost is not even close to what i can find available in my area. they list $9816 or a little over $800 a month. when i look for an apartment, if i can find one available, the lowest is around $1200 a month. many require first, last, and deposit, so about $3600 to get into a place (not calculated in the living wage calculator by the way). if i just want to rent a room, i could get by with $600 to $800 a month. again, if you can even find a place available that a bunch of other people aren’t also applying for. when i talk about this, people say “ya, that’s everywhere though” and “thanks air bnb”. ok so let’s move to transportation.

the transportation line comes to $411 a month. that is supposed to cover the cost of gas, oil, maintenance, insurance of a used car or truck, but not the actual purchasing of a vehicle, nor saving for a relplacement when needed. it also includes the option of public transportation. one place i worked, many people on staff road bikes or were close enough to walk to work. some drove cars or trucks, or were dropped off by a member of their household, so this figure was pretty close to right when factoring in daily transportation because we could use the combo of bike and light rail to get around a major metroplex, if we are just looking at getting to and from work/home. however, as the cost of housing pushed us further away from work this became more problematic. the company that runs the ski valley i work in does offer a free shuttle service that is pretty convenient in the busier season, but is extremely limited right now. also, gets super packed to standing room only; not fun during covid times or the final miles up a winding mountain road covered in snow.

ok, so let’s get to a line item that, at first i got excited about: civic

i thought, ok some of this really makes it tough on folks, but here is a line item that maybe factors in how people can be more civically active, do civic duties like jury duty, or be able to go to city council meetings, get time off to vote, and be members of their community. so what is included? fees and admission, entertainment, audio-visual equipment, toys, hobbies, playground equipment. well, damn. not even the cost of taking time off to go vote as any good citizen is supposed to do.

then there is the “other” line. so maybe here is where i am going to see what it costs to be an active member of my community? nope. this is where i get to add in my personal care items and house cleaning items. well shit.

so when i go to the sheet that explains what is in each line item (https://livingwage.mit.edu/resources/Living-Wage-Users-Guide-Technical-Documentation-2022-05-10.pdf) there is a section called broadband that is suppose to include the cost of cellphones and internet, however, i do not see this in the budget sheet. if you see it, please let me know. it is not hard to argue that these are indeed necessities these days. in fact many jobs these days this is how you clock in/out, have required apps for covid screening before coming to work, and finding out if you get a job or have an interview…so

so all the concerns i’ve already listed here are pretty big, but the one that really gets my toes clenched is the one for food, for we are what we eat. also, most people working these lower waged jobs are doing physically demanding work so need good healthy calories. however, the budget here expects that people are choosing the lowest cost foods available and that all meals and snacks are prepared at home. so i wonder if the workers have access to refrigeration to keep their prepared meals from spoiling while they are working? do they have a safe and convienent way to heat their food when it is time? do they have access to adequate time to gather their meals and snacks and consume them without rushing, thereby able to have a healthy digestion process? if they bring meals that don’t need heating, do they have a place to store lunch boxes or small coolers? how about water? access to clean water to refill their own water bottles? then there are people who work extra hours to make up for the low pay, or are working extra due to tight labor shortages or multiple jobs just to make ends meet, hopefully? we may need to eat out sometimes on our way home after long days or between jobs, or single/overworked parents who just want to pick up something on their way home so they can spend more time with their kids.

but the part that really pisses me off is that they specifically expect people to choose the cheapest foods available. and when i go into the standard grocery store, the cheapest foods are loaded up with high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated fats, salt, and so many additives. and we come full circle back to the rda…foods that keep people alive, but not well. the same people with these foods as their options are at higher rates for diabetes, heart disease, diet related illnesses. and the greater community and media blame these same people for making bad choices when they are making the choices from what is available to them. i beg the question, is living wages + rda actually be killing people?

some may ask, yes, but they could grow their own fruits and vegetables. ok where? do we have access to the land or community garden plots? when some folks in high poverty communities try to grow foods in that little strip of land between sidewalk and curb they have been fined, threatened by cops, and forced to remove these fresh foods. which also brings us back to housing and what a place to live allows for besides shelter.

and since we are talking about food and health, cheapest foods are linked to higher healthcare which many people in this income group will not have access to. we make too much to be on a government plan or medicare, but not enough to be on our company’s plan. pretty fucked up if you ask me.

in addition, for someone like me who does not really want to use allopathic care, even if i did spend money on a state funded healthcare, what i want to use isn’t covered, so no acupuncture, no supplements that assist in building my immune system, and certainly not enough for fresh food without pesticides and growth hormones, just prescriptions that are too expensive and have side effects that make me need more prescriptions.

i have a little more room in my food budget by being vegan, as long as i don’t buy processed, prepackaged vegan options i have more room in my budget to buy healthier fresh food options.

if you pull up the charts for the wages, the first chart on the living wage calculations, you notice there are 3 wage groups: living wage, poverty wage, and minimum wage. if you ask me, based on how m.i.t calculated all this, wouldn’t the living wage actually be the minimum wage? and why would we even want anyone anywhere receiving poverty wages? if you ask me,”living wage” is just another form of shifting language to make people (i see you nice white liberals) feel better about what they offer their staff…its marketing. ..

if you ask me, this is one piece of the puzzle to the “labor crisis”. who wants to live like this? and these wages are not just for the entry level jobs like housekeeping which is what i have been doing. i was thinking about getting a teaching certificate due to the teacher shortages, but i would need to pay for more education and receive about the same wages. fuck that.

so if you are still wondering why people supposedly don’t want to work, and why there is a nationwide labor shortage, think on this. also think that more people now need to stay home to care for children, parents, tias, abuelos, friends, selves….

if nothing else, listen to beyoncé’s. new song https://youtu.be/yjki-9Pthh0

p.s.here is a little translation for wages: a $40,000 a year salary (before taxes) comes to $19.23 an hour. so a $15 an hour job comes to $31,200 a year (again before taxes). i base these numbers on 40 hour work weeks, worked over 52 weeks a year because most of these jobs do not offer solid paid days off. also, vacation/time off is not figured into the wage calculator.