i’ve been thinking of starting a second blog site for a year or so now, especially as i am opening up to what kind of writing i want to do based on the experiences i have had while on adventures.
the deeper i dive into the kind of revolutionary work that inspires me to keep going in this world, the deeper i truly believe that not just empathy but love is what is needed. and not the kind of isn’t everything beautiful kind of love, but hard love. the kind of ride or die love. the love that celebrates all those in community, as well as the love that tells us when we are fucking up. the kind of love that sticks by us as we meet our worst selves while we wrestle with our shadow self.
processing these thoughts made me think that going deep into these thoughts, undoing the patterns, unlearning centuries of harmful practices, leads to hard feelings. we don’t know (i don’t know) how to process the feelings that come up as i learn about the deeper truer histories of this country, and what led up to settler colonialism that seeps into every crack and crevice of this nation and every nation we continue to colonize, and what it will take of us to do the work necessary to bring ourselves back into balance and connection.
so why not call the new site: deep thoughts hard feelings.
but i couldn’t figure out how i wanted to present this project. i pitched it to a friend of mine and we kicked around the idea of an online journal. one where we could get collaborators, add various forms of art that expresses what words can not. i still like this idea, and may be something to turn it into if people are into it. but something happened last night that made me want to get this going.
i picked up a second job bartending up at the ski valley, come to find out i have missed this kind of work. it’s been Yeaaaaaars since i have done this work, but i just kind of slipped right back in to it. anyway, at some point in the night a loudmouth saddled up to the bar. i basically tuned them out, letting the locals on either side of them work it out, it’s what they do.
but then i hear, in a very boisterous voice say something like “why do they use they/them pronouns? are they trying to be 2 people….” blah blah blah i stopped listening and interrupted with “hello, i’m kc and i go by they/them” (i don’t go by any pronoun really just used it to interrupt)” their jaw dropped and we proceded to have a conversation about pronouns and non-bianary identities. this discussion went on for a little while as i kept working and taking care of customers. i tried to keep it light to keep the person engaged. as they thanked me for the information they had never thought about, (because they just judged and stuck to their beliefs), i let them know that this was just information from my perspective and by no means meant to be used for everyone using they/them or identifying as non-bianary just as they, who look like they could be identified the same as the group of people at a table across the room from us…everyone is different and wonderfully unique and should be treated as such.
after this person left, the person sitting on the other side of them, thanked me for having the conversation, keeping it light while presenting a great deal of information, all while still working. that it meant a lot for them that this conversation happened. i don’t know why, i didn’t ask, it wasn’t my place. i simply thanked them and wished them a nice evening.
it is important to have these conversations. i don’t know what made me not even hesitate to interrupt this person who was being loud with a sense of being right without any recourse or opening up for anyone to have another opinion. later i imagined all my friends that identify as trans or non-binary and what if they were sitting at that bar and had to listen to this rant? or the times i have sat at a bar as some drunk person started saying things that made me feel uncomfortable or not safe. how many bars i left before ordering food even when i was super hungry and nothing else was open, because the bartender didn’t tend to the asshole next to me. and the very few bars i’ve stayed longer in, and became a regular because of how the bartender/owner handled the situation and i felt safe returning again and again. in every situation there was one common thread, the person voicing their belief felt that they were right and everyone should agree with them. or maybe
maybe they have been wanting to talk to someone, anyone, about this new language that their kids are coming home with. maybe they are lost because this was the last thing they expected to deal with as a parent. maybe, they did not know how to ask for help to deal with the feelings of these thoughts?
i don’t know.
what i do know?
we need to have these conversations
we need to get uncomfortable
we need to push beyond what we think we know to be true, especially if we believe it to be a universal truth.
i want us to be more curious about one another. i want to be more curious. what inspires us. what we love about the world. why we don’t want it to burn, or melt, or freeze over. what do we need to break down in ourselves to care about one another. to not just act out in violence because our feelings were hurt or we are confused and afraid of facing discomfort, or what we might see. i feel that these are the tools and skills we will need as we face the consequences of keeping so much history covered up, all the lies and idolizing of horrible white men who planned and executed growtest atrocities around the world as well, in our name, and we inflict that same actions to our neighbors at a time when we need to find ways to come together.
just my opinions, others have more and better explained.
i’d love, truly, to hear your respectful, honest, open thoughts and feelings too.